 |
| from pinterest |
I was given this amazing opportunity to attend a workshop, run by the amazing Taryn.
We were Celebrating the Feminine. And wow! It has set me down this path of discovery.
For months now I have been feeling so full of emotion, so much. I just haven’t known what to do with it all, so for my sanity and the sanity of my family I have kept them all safely tucked away and got on with being a mom and wife.
It had got to a point where I had lost part of myself .That voice within us that is the first thing that gets silenced when life is busy.
I am an emotional person, I am head strong and stubborn and prideful. I have actively encouraged feeling emotions for my girls because I don’t want their voices to be silenced and what struck me as so bazaar is that I had done that to myself.
And I had lost the ability to release these emotions when they needed to, so I was a robot.
I kept on telling Mr. A I needed a break, but what I actually needed was to be surrounded by a clan of women, together with the sole purpose of learning about our feminine self.
There are things that Taryn had spoken to me about before – the art of journaling, getting out into nature and when times are tough, throwing off my inhibitions and dancing like a mad woman.
I knew all this but I now know WHY she prescribed these things to me when I was sad, much as my doctor prescribed anti-depressants.
Life is delicate balance – and I mean this in the gigantic sense, as in the whole universe, and in a minuscule sense – our cells functioning within our bodies. It’s a fine web that has to be maintained, otherwise it all comes crashing down.
Think about your body and your soul.
How often do we neglect one if not both?
And on an even more intimate level – how often do we neglect that which is inherently important – our feminine self?
Our feminine self is wild and carefree. She bellows from the top of her lungs. She is strong and vibrant.
And she is pushed aside and labelled PMS and moody, impractical and overly emotional…..does this ring any bells? I had the equivalent of St Paul’s Cathedral clanging in my head !
Fighting your feminine is like trying to push when you need to pull.
Unless you stop to read the signs you are never going to get anywhere.
If you are quiet, she is the voice inside you that is your intuition. She is your heart and your feelings.
Mine were all of a jumble and at complete odds with the voice in my head telling me this was no time for a breakdown but the time to be efficient and practical and completely controlled. ….and my poor Feminine was dying to be recognised. To be told that it’s okay to feel, even if those feelings are sad or angry. Tears are welcome because with this release comes the understanding of how to be more at one with my Feminine and the amazing thing is, once I really grasped what Taryn had told us, once I really started practising it, life has done just that.
It has mellowed, it is a more even keel. I feel so much more at peace, but so much more alive and vibrant.
I had become such a controlled mother who micro-managed everything, but now I just let the small things go, think gently about the big things and give my children their own choice in the rest.
I used to really begrudge going to the park – it was boring and I couldn’t even enjoy the delight it gave the girls.
Funny how in a few short weeks I now see it as a chance to be outside, in the fresh air, being close to the earth, the grass, the trees. I now make it my place to regroup.
To not worry about bills or what’s for dinner or what needs to be cleaned/ironed/put away.
It’s a time for me to re-energise, to quietly absorb everything around me without thinking about it.
I spend a vast majority of the time looking at the sky- next time you are out, stop and do that…it’s amazing.
I mentioned crazy dancing – and boy this has become so important to me.
My biggest critic is myself, and do I give myself grief.
Yes, I know you should talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend, but how easy is that to do? That old crony self sabotage is just waiting to put me down – I am constantly told I am useless, fat and lazy. Now that’s just not friendly at all.
And now, when I feel her creeping around the edges, I go straight to my playlist, crank up the volume and just let my body go.
I feel the music in every limb, in every cell and by the time I am done, so is that horrible voice.
I will say though, it took a couple of these before the girls stopped looking at me weirdly and started joining in.
It has led to a daily dance time in our house which is just fun and frivolous and leaves us smiling.
There was another hugely important concept Taryn talked about, and that was that we should be part of a tribe.
It’s in our history, yet today we are so isolated.
And I feel that down to my core.
My family are so far away and we have just moved again.
Physically my tribe/clan/village of women is gone for now, but I am grateful for the conveniences of modern life, that when I did feel so overwhelmed again, I could pick up the phone and call my best friend, and she could give me clarity and wisdom.
Without our women behind us I think we would struggle to function, I know I would.
In my life I have met what I call ‘sunflower people’ .
They are human beings who just seem to radiate. They are magnetic and you just want to be around them because they leave you feeling so sunshiny and great – all yellow and happy.
I think these are the people who have their two halves in balance. They are in tune with their feminine and masculine sides, and I think sometimes they don’t even realise it.
I have always wondered what it would be like.
To be, for the most part, happy, giving, empathetic, kind, loving….sure they have their trials, I have seen it first hand, but they rise to them with grace and dignity.
I think maybe a time has come in my life where I too can grow in such a way.
Its small things, in small ways and it’s being enlightened, and continuing to be curious and to become more aware and more conscious of who I am.
Thank you Taryn, you helped me in so many ways, and I am so pleased I walked into Neal’s Yard all those years ago, and opened the door to find you.
Please read Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, it’s profound. And read Marilyn Glenville’s health guides.
Dip into Tiny Buddha and find inspiration on pinterest.
