A while ago, quite a long while ago, I wrote about depression.
I told you I took the step to admit I was not coping and that I needed help.
And then slowly I got better.
After having Baby Mouse, I knew to look out for the signs of PND, I was able to help myself before I got to the very bottom that I did last time.
But, my baby is over a year old now and I still rely on my little tablet every morning.
A while ago I thought I was okay, and came off them, but boy did I get knocked off my feet, so I take them again.
I am not ashamed to talk about my depression, but honestly I don't really like to.
"Hi, I'm Nola and I'm on anti-depressants" is hardly a conversation starter.
I am not sure why it has been harder this time round, but I do know so much of it is to do with my mind and soul. The hormones I can control chemically, which doesn't thrill me but that works for now...but my mind..mmm, only I am in charge of that.
My lovely homeopath told me I have to constantly nurture myself, keep in touch with myself, stop supressing the negative emotions, but rather allow them out; explore them, deal with them and then release them. Easier said than done. But I try.
And she told me to draw the goodness in. Breathe beautiful air. Meditate. Love. Enjoy living. Eat well. Exercise.Look in the mirror and enjoy me.
And surround myself with nurturing things.
Let the good far outweigh the bad.
And I told myself to stop overthinking and stop overanalysing and just be.
This has been my hardest task, as I am trying to undo a lifetime of habit.
I have found so much inspiration out there in other blogs. Others, like myself , who need some encouragement and some nurturing, and I have found amazing words of wisdom, and photographs and quotes. Like the one above, which is printed and stuck on my fridge.
My good days are beginning to outnumber the bad days, and boy, that is a good sign.
And on days like today, when Mother Nature gave me a beautiful double rainbow to stare at, I know that that is all I need.
