I need to get a self-evaluation form written for Ofsted, as I could be inspected any day now....and instead I find myself doing anything BUT it. I am treating it like I did my University assignments - ignoring them until the last minute and then having a panic.

I didn't feel very great over Easter. The hayfever ( okay, this is my last mention of it ) coupled with really missing Adam just completely sucked the verve out of me. Yesterday I shouted at Scout and I shouldn't have. I think walking into yet another wet patch with socks on was the last straw. She is such a messy child and I was just so sick and tired of cleaning up after her - whether it is juice, wee, Milo, breakfast cereal or yogurt.

Amber W over at Kiss My Cheek wrote a post about leading a double life....are there bits of us that we are ashamed to admit to? I think it is a very apt post for me right now. After being so strong and feeling so good, these last couple of days have been horrible. I have felt very sorry for myself and have been a not very good wife and mother. I am not asking for a pity-party or any kind of feedback. I think I am writing this because I need to for myself.

I also validate these feelings by airing them because no-one is happy all the time, no one is perfect and everything is a work in progress. Motherhood, marriage, self-love....these all need constant nurturing, and sometimes there can be a draught in one of those areas, but that's okay because soon enough the clouds will come and sprinkle some love and it will regenerate and flourish once more. I think I rely on Adam alot to help me with that. When I have a tough day, or Scout winds me up I usually go and get a hug from my beloved. I don't need to talk, all I need to feel is the strength of his body and the rhythm of his heart. He is a good hugger, and a good friend.

Mr A. I am sorry for being so mean to you yesterday. I was just being a b with an itch.
My darling Child, I am sorry I shouted at you. The look of confusion on your face is punishment enough for me, and the way you looked up at me from a pile of pillows and said 'I ruff you mom' this morning tells me you forgive your mom. I ruff you too my little buddy.

So now I suppose I should get back to the self-evaluation form....oh poo!

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